Dating

How to Date as a Christian When You’re Older.

Well, you might be an older Christian thinking, “Why don’t I have this dating thing all down packed already, what’s wrong with me?” It can feel very disorienting when you feel like you have lost a battle over and over to something so dear and you are faced with believing that there is no hope left. A series of lost dating opportunities may make one feel this very way, as if an overcast of dark clouds is providentially left to surround you through your many years of waiting. Consider that this season of difficulty shall pass with God’s continued care over you.

If you have sought the Lord earnestly in this area of your life and still have the desire in your heart for marriage, being assured that singleness is not for you a lifelong commitment to the Lord, then continue to seek the Lord with joy filled hope! A desire fulfilled is a tree of life (Prov. 13:12). You ask, how can I continue to seek the Lord with joy filled hope for a spouse in my current situation? It is possible! I understand that dating as an older Christian can have its challenges. My hope is that through the consideration of some of the below mentioned practical tips and helpful insights, they will help ease the challenge and renew your hope! This blog article is meant to provide you with practical tips and helpful insights to remember while dating as an older Christian. The main points of this article include: 

1. Dating-Praying for God’s Guidance and Clarity.

First, we should seek God’s guidance and direction in all our dating decisions. A godly person marked by wisdom does not use just any instruction from this age, especially not instruction that makes one feel like a lost art or a character from a left behind series which suggests they’re out of touch with the rest of society that has openly lowered the bar on what a healthy dating relationship should look like. No, this person marked by wisdom receives instruction from the Lord to determine how to order their life. Proverbs 1:7 states, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

In your seeking of God, pray for clarity and discernment, and seek advice from others in this area of your life. Seek the Lord with how to proceed through the various challenges you might have had with previously failed opportunities and invite the advice of experienced Christian mentors/counselors or even others you may know who themselves have experienced dating later in life and can provide you with helpful insights and personal encouragement for your own continued growth. 

1. Dating-Trying Something New and Different While Still Setting Standards.

It is evident that there are some challenges as well as opportunities one can encounter while dating later in life. Some include:

1. Meeting a godly older Christian who has either never dated before or has little dating experiences.
2. Meeting a divorce’ who is hopeful to have a new leaf on a marital relationship honoring God.
3. Or meeting someone who has children from a prior marriage.

These factors and others need to be determined in one’s heart if right for them and whether the individual either facing these realities or considering adopting these realities would be compatible. On either side of the matter, everyone should be fully convinced in his own mind making their decisions in honor of the Lord (Romans 15:5b-6). Everyone should also be keenly aware and sensitive to the needs of the other person and not only how they might be able to benefit from the relationship but also what they can bring to the relationship with their uniquely seasoned qualities. 

As you consider these unique challenges and opportunities, also consider how you as an older Christian can expand your dating opportunities. Have you considered attending church events which you may have not considered going to before? Are there any group events being held with those in your similar age range? Have you sought to be available to serve and meet the needs of your fellow church members? Faithful service and one’s abundance of love shown to others often provide a renewed perspective by helping to minimize one’s needs over the needs of others.

Other considerations to expand your dating opportunities can be using online dating. While getting to know someone as a potential spouse, typical etiquette that should be adopted includes being respectful, honest, and clear. These practices should be all the truer with the use of online dating as there can be possible gray areas which are more challenging to navigate using online means which can limit direct communication. 

1. Be respectful of the other person’s stage and season of life. Regardless of where they are in life, the other individual is just like you, an individual made in God’s image and seeking God’s ultimate plan for their life as it relates to marriage.
2. Be honest about your decisions. Again, after determining in your own heart and mind and receiving clarity on where you stand with the other person, communicate those decisions with them. Do not string the other person along with half-hearted selfish interests or desires. 
3. Be clear and cautious about your feelings. Be clear and cautious in honestly communicating your feelings. Either share your desire to get to know each other more with appropriate reasoning or gently express why you feel it might be best to discontinue getting to know each other.

        3. Dating-Being Flexible and Open-Minded but Not Compromising Essential Values.

With these considerations, it might be that you are faced with a decision of being willing to date someone who may not fit your ideal dating criteria or expectations. In this situation, it would be good to consider what are the essential and non-essential qualities in a partner. Some things to consider include Faith, values, character, personality, interests, and age. Other common concerns about dating someone in a different age range include compatibility, maturity, and health.

As you continue to consider your compatibility with this other person based on essentials and non-essentials, consider how you will communicate and compromise with someone who is different. Again, be respectful, be understanding, and supportive without compromising your own essential values.

In summary, to share some additional words of encouragement, although it might have its challenges, dating while being older can be done successfully and with joy filled hope for the future! If you have any doubts about this, read biblical testimonies of how God has answered prayers of other older Christians in the faith such as Ruth and Boaz, or Abraham and Sarah. Also, search out successful older dating relationships found even in your church context and listen to their joy filled testimonies!

By Serenity & Grace Counseling

If this blog was helpful to you today, please feel free to reach out to Serenity & Grace Counseling to receive Biblical Counseling advice in this area of dating or in any other challenging areas of life. We would love to provide you with ‘Life Transforming Hope and Peace Through Christ Centered Biblical Counseling.’ 

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Additional Resources: Life Transformative Mind Renewal Workbook